Am I in Denial?

Am I in Denial?

Denial: A Defining Characteristic of Problem Drinking and Alcoholism

Denial = maintaining that something isn’t so.

Denial is part of the problem; denial is when we continue to drink to the extent that we are harming ourselves and refuse to see that this is the case. It is a deliberate disregard for the disturbing reality of what is actually happening in our lives. Denial is a defence mechanism because it protects us from facing up to the reality of what we are doing to ourselves and therefore having to do something about it.

When we are in denial we are prevented from being aware of the growing problem and the anxiety around it. We don’t have to come to terms with what we are doing to ourselves.

Denial is a form of self deception. A person in denial has selective perception.

Denial is when we lie to ourselves.

Denial is uncomfortable and causes much internal distress.

Denial manifests itself in many different forms:

Minimizing – admitting that sometimes you drink too much and that you may have a problem but presenting this in such a way that it appears to be less serious or significant than it actually is. People do this by comparing themselves to someone who is much worse and saying, “At least I’m not as bad as him/her,” or “I’ve cut down, I’m not as bad as I was,” or “At least I don’t drink in the mornings,” etc.

Rationalising – offering excuses, alibis, or explanations other than alcohol for you behaviour. When someone rationalises they try to explain or justify feelings and behaviour that would otherwise be unreasonable, illogical, or intolerable. When you rationalise you always look to blame outside factors for why you drink the way you do. When someone rationalises their drinking they say things like, “It must have been something I ate that made me throw up,” “I had to have a drink it was my best friend’s birthday,” “I’ve had a hard day, anyone would have a drink if they had my job,” “It must be the medication I’m taking that made me get drunk like that,” etc.

Blaming - when we don’t want to take responsibility for ourselves and blame our past or present for why we drink so much, or the people in our lives, or our circumstance or environment. When we blame we want something other than ourselves to be the cause of the alcohol problem. “I was abused as a child,” “My partner doesn’t understand me,” “The police are out to get me,” “I hate my job, but I can’t leave it,” etc.

Projection – when something is emotionally unacceptable to us, we project that feeling onto someone else. It’s how we ‘unload’ our own self-hatred onto other people. We project by misinterpreting others’ behaviour and making them look and feel bad so we don’t have to. Alcoholics will often project by blaming their unacceptable behaviour on others. “Look what you made me do,” is something you might say to your children or partner, or “I can’t believe how bad people behave when they get really drunk, at least I’m not that bad,” etc.

Diversion – when we change the subject to avoid something painful or threatening. Humour is often used to as a diversion tactic – anything that distracts the attention away from what’s really going on. Anger is also used as a diversion, as is helplessness; this distracts people who may otherwise confront you on your unreasonable behaviour. When you divert you look for other subjects to divert attention from the main issue.

Hostility – when someone is openly aggressive, hostile and angry every time the subject of their drinking behaviour comes up. Usually they cause a fight and frighten or intimidate the other person so that they become too scared to bring it up again. Hostility is a defence mechanism, as the people around you will know that if they say anything to you that you don’t like you will get angry. This frightens most people, so therefore it prevents anyone from being honest with you.

Denial is how we lie to ourselves to continue doing what destroys us.